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I've Died for You
i've died for you a one-shot by bladeofhope this isn't me i'm not worth anything why am i even here clan life makes no sense to me born and raised here i don't understand no one notices me no one cares and that's fine - my name is moonlark i've been a loyal warrior my whole life they tell me i learned quickly but i don't even know why i exist patrols endless they go out every day i see the apprentices complain "why do we have to hunt" "why can't we patrol" don't they understand that it's just the same thing they've done before - the neighboring clans they hate us and i don't know why what did we ever do to them what did we ever do to make them hate us is it just that we're here on their borders threatening them somehow there's enough prey to go around isn't there - i decide to go hunting if i can't do anything good by existing then i'll put myself to another use it's a quiet day the breeze chills my ears it feels good songbirds chirp from the branches they all sing the same songs but they never tire never hunger for anything more they are all content - i don't like climbing trees i really hope this squirrel stays on the ground how nice that would be don't give me that convenience i don't deserve it i stalk it like i was always told "paws tucked under" "tail low" and "watch the wind" i do it all perfectly i catch it quickly it squirms under my paws - why does this prey have to die just so we can keep living another day i wonder what do the squirrels think when they see us hunting we always seem to expect them to think "i'm laying down my life so that this cat which is grander than i might survive" isn't that stupid of us we're worse than everyone else - we fight we kill we hate does prey ever do the same i've never seen a vole gutting open another vole or a mouse refusing to share its food i don't want to be like this even if all i was were prey wouldn't that be a better existence than the one i have now transience i return to camp squirrel swinging from my jaws i killed it after all just another murderer in a camp full of them i lay it down on the pile and immediately two apprentices rush up they fight over it "i got here first" "no it's mine" isn't there another squirrel right beside it learn to share it's like teaching kits - i watch as the one takes it and the other complains loudly to his mentor "waterpaw took my prey" what makes it his i can't even bring myself to call it my kill so how does a cat claim food as his own there'll be more soon - what am i good for here something anything at all i can't think of anything i hear murmurs of congratulations as i pass the nursery "soon silvertail will give us another litter" why will these kits be born so that they can die in battle against our fellow cats fighting to defend a strip of land that really isn't ours how foolish we are - the deputy arranges patrols "flowerpelt won't you take a patrol along the border make sure those cats haven't trespassed again" and off they go no questions asked claws sharp and battle ready will hungry fangs sink into flesh today or will it be peaceful i hear my name "moonlark please take a patrol to hunt down on the grasslands" i have no choice i gather a patrol and set off - one apprentice two warriors follow me trusting me with their lives what if there's a fox would i notice would we survive the apprentice is waterpaw the one who ate my squirrel she's full of herself just like all apprentices tend to be "i smell a mouse" i beckon for her to catch it while we hide in the bushes like cowards what are we afraid of - she stalks it well i can tell that she's had good training what less would we expect from the leader's kit she keeps low watchful scenting the air every so often just like a snake she walks circumspect at least she's being cautious i can tell this is the moment to strike and flash it's dead just like the cats from last moon's vicious battle - "i caught it" she exclaims coming back towards us where we wait still hiding then thornstripe's eyes go wide "i smell fox let's get back to camp here i'll help you carry the mouse" he helps bear the weight waterpaw keeps tripping over it even though it's less than half her size we make good time until i stop and scent the air "there are more than one of them" then orange fur is everywhere and claws are unsheathed sharp and weary from use in battle over and over again we all react quickly this kind of instinct isn't normal fight for your lives we fight hard but i can tell we're getting tired there are only four of us one an apprentice one weak from the greencough that struck last moon the third is me so unwilling to defend myself last is brave and strong but he's the only one the foxes are young one looks barely fresh out of its birthing den but it's savage and dauntless they're like a clan of foxes striking in time how organized they are we're the only beasts here - claws slice open my throat rhythmic heartbeat beats beats beats the blood out of my body like it's trying to kill me faster i watch the cats shuffle around me "what do we do" "waterpaw go back to camp get help tell sweetstar" "we can't leave her like this" "she'll be okay" no i won't - delirious i slip in and out of sleep cobwebs patch my skin mussing up my fur but it doesn't matter the blood keeps pouring anyways and what's my life even worth a couple of mouse tails no not even that i hear voices around me "moonlark can you hear me" i'm too weak to respond "leafpaw bring me that goldenrod and horsetail it may already be too late" please just let me die "don't let her die" "i'll do my best but i only have so many herbs" don't waste them on me "she must be in pain" it's only then that i realize it doesn't hurt not really maybe this is death if it is i welcome it - the next time i wake up i'm in a den it smells like plants it's the medicine den i blink and someone comes to my side "moonlark are you awake can you hear me" i can only blink i'm so glad to have this last bit of strength thank you starclan for letting me live this long now i can give my last message i open my mouth to speak the voice that comes out is not mine it's weak and hoarse but i'll exploit it to the fullest "don't save me you've done your best you've done enough i'm not worth the effort" the medicine cat is shocked i don't let her speak the blood is still pouring if only into cobweb which only serves to make it look as though i'm no longer losing blood does that make the others happy i wonder thinking that they've done a better job than they really have i continue "i never felt worthy of this life clan cats consider the warriors the highest forms of life but are we really what do we mean to this world it will go on just fine when i'm gone don't look so sad i welcome death it's not painful i promise i only have one request please tell the clan these words that 'i'm sorry i wasn't a better friend to anyone who tried to reach out to me i'm sorry i never tried harder in battles and battle training i never wanted to kill i only ever wanted to die well now i guess i have my wish may it be known i've died for you'" Category:Fanfics Category:Bladefics Category:Poems Category:One-Shot